


The Worst is All Behind You

by hivecaptor



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Carlos has anxiety, Cecil is a Good Husband, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hugging, Light Angst, M/M, Panic Attacks, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trauma, mentions of intimacy so tagging teen and up just to be safe, more angst than fluff, soft, trauma mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:42:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24323731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hivecaptor/pseuds/hivecaptor
Summary: Carlos had an odd relationship with hugs. Whenever he hugged someone, he was never the one to let go first. It was always the other person who would pull away. Cecil never did. No matter if it was over a lost piece of research or his entire world crumbling around him, he always just held Carlos close, helping him calm down and realize that he would be okay.
Relationships: Carlos/Cecil Palmer
Comments: 8
Kudos: 86





	The Worst is All Behind You

_It gets okay to praise the day, believe in sheltering skies and stable earth beneath._

_But hear his breath come through his teeth._

Cecil had learned many things about Carlos's panic attacks over the years. The first thing was that they don't always have an identifiable cause. In fact, they usually don't. When they had first tharted living together, even when they had just started dating, he would grow terribly worried and try to make everything right, try to make it all okay again. But now, he was used to it in a way. The pain of seeing his husband in so much distress never stopped, but it had gotten easier. He knew what to do and how to how to help his husband now.

The second thing was _don't touch him_. 

Carlos's mind sometimes got the better of him when he and Cecil were intimate, but even he couldn't pinpoint a specific trigger a lot of the time. Sometimes, it would all just begin to feel wrong all at once, or something would be too good, too perfect. Sometimes, he just couldn't continue. His mind did that frequently. As a scientist, he concluded that it was a defense mechanism, shutting down his body the minute something seemed off or too much like what had happened before. That way, he would crash and he wouldn't remember it.

But Cecil always stopped. When Carlos couldn't talk, couldn't ask for him to move away, he always noticed the signs. Carlos would stop talking, his eyes would close and he wouldn't open them again, and he would feebly push at his husband's chest or arms or anything, and Cecil would always know what to do. 

He was grateful for that. For once, he didn't have to find his own way out.

He didn't know if it'd ever stop, or if he'd be okay again, but Cecil didn't mind, and helped him whenever things got rough.

He was getting better at asking for what he needed. When it would feel wrong or scary or too familiar, it felt strange to know that what they were doing was for him too, that he could ask his husband to stop and he would, and he wouldn't be angry. He was getting better, but it was still hard.

When he had an attack under those circumstances, Cecil just stayed with him, silently watching his chest rise and fall, making sure that he was alright, or as alright as he could be. After a while, his breathing would slow and his muscles would stop feeling so much like cement, that was when it was okay for Cecil to fold him into his arms, stroking his hair and murmuring soothing words in that soft radio voice of his. Carlos would hang onto his shirt like it was the only thing keeping him from falling from some great height. That was when it was okay to touch him.

So when he slipped a hand under Carlos's shirt to brush at warm velvety skin and he froze, Cecil immediately drew back. "It's okay, Ceece, it's okay, i just-" he broke off in a sob, wrapping his arms around his middle and curling in on himself.

"Okay, alright. I'm here, Carlos. Hey, it's okay, I'm still here." Carlos squeezed his eyes shut, trying to hold back another sob. "I'm going to go get you some water, and then I'm going to come back, and I'm not going to leave again, okay?"

Carlos only nodded and cecil stood, fetching the glass from his husband's nightstand and heading for the bathroom. 

When they bought the house, Carlos had insisted that they put water filters on every tap in the house. Cecil had been hesitant at first, but was grateful for the modification as he filled the glass. He didn't want to have to go downstairs to the fridge, didn't want to leave Carlos alone like this for too long.

He set the glass down on his own nightstand and slipped back under the covers. "Hi, love." almost immediately, Carlos pulled toward him, grabbing for the front of his shirt. 

Carlos had an odd relationship with hugs. Whenever he hugged someone, he was never the one to let go first. It was always the other person who would pull away. Cecil never did. No matter if it was over a lost piece of research or his entire world crumbling around him, he always just held Carlos close, helping him calm down and realize that he would be okay. 

So even though his breathing had eased and the tears had stopped flowing, he almost broke down again when Cecil wrapped his arms around his waist, rubbing his back. Carlos finally relaxed. It was easier to breathe now, knowing that the worst had passed him by.

Carlos was half asleep by the time he noticed that Cecil had stopped. He looked up and found his husband out like a light, arms still tight around his waist.

 _He didn't let go,_ Carlos thought. _He didn't let go._

_It gets alright to dream at night, believe in solid skies and slate-blue earth below._

_But when you see him, you'll know._

**Author's Note:**

> Title and quotes from 'Never Quite Free' by The Mountain Goats.
> 
> And with that, I am officially done with school! That was a wild ride, but I passed my algebra class by 0.02 points so I'm doing somewhat alright! I hope you enjoyed this, I plan to write a lot more over summer break.


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